Fic: A Chapter Can Be a Book [1/6]

[fogsblue]

Title: A Chapter Can Be a Book
Rating: All Ages
Characters: Ten/Rose, Reinette, Jack, Donna, Wilf, Jackie
Summary: It's 'The Decoy Bride' with Doctor Who characters. The Doctor is meant to be marrying Reinette, but in order to confuse the press, they use a decoy. Things don't go according to plan...
A/N: First things first, huge thanks to silverlunarstar for agreeing to beta this. And secondly, it's less an AU and more a rewrite with different characters. And thanks to kahki for the title.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 5 |

Today was the day.

Reinette Poisson, a blonde, beautiful and talented French actress, possibly the most famous woman in the world, was getting married. She was getting married to the Doctor, a tall, skinny man, who was the author of a remarkably average book, but had still managed to catch Reinette’s heart.
___________________________________________________________

In the headquarters of a very popular celebrity gossip magazine, one editor was asking the question that was often repeated at moments like these.

“Has anyone heard from the Master? He always gets the impossible shots.”

___________________________________________________________

Photos of the wedding had become the most sought out image by the press; they were all looking for a shot of the bride, with or without her groom, inside the church or not, on her big day. To that end, a large number of cameras were stationed outside the large hotel where Reinette was reported to be staying.

The video cameras were already filming and the photographers were prepared the instant the door of the hotel opened, and out came the bride in a gorgeous dress with a heavy veil. The press was going wild as she climbed into a limo and sped away.

They weren’t quite prepared for what happened next.

More brides in the same dress, just different colours, exited the hotel, all getting into limos heading to different churches around the city. The press wasn’t sure what to think, who to follow or which church to head to.

In a small quiet church on the edges of the city, Jack Harkness, Reinette’s agent, was congratulating himself on a brilliant plan.

“The streets are full of brides, the skies are full of brides, the press doesn’t know which way is up. I’m a genius!” he said smugly. His plan had worked; no one seemed to have to faintest idea where the ceremony was happening.

Before he could get too far ahead of himself, he did ask one thing of Donna Noble, his PA, “Any word on the Master?”

“Intelligence says he’s gone skiing,” Donna said.

“Now?” Jack asked. It seemed a bit odd to him, but he shrugged it off. “Well, we’re good then.”

Moments later, Reinette entered the church, looking absolutely stunning. Her usual beauty helped by the smile she was wearing. She had been waiting for this wedding for a long time. She had needed to drop more than one hint to her slightly commitment-phobic fiancé that she’d like to get married and then it had taken so much work to hide the details from the press. If there was one thing she wanted that she was unable to get, it was privacy.

Looking at the smile on her face, the Doctor couldn’t believe he was standing here, about to marry Reinette Poisson. Nerves aside, he didn’t think he could help the completely smitten smile on his face at the thought.

The Doctor’s smile faded into a look of confusion as Reinette walked past him at the altar and straight for the piano in the back of the church. Tearing the front of the piano’s base off revealed a man curled up inside, surrounded by drink bottles and holding a camera.

“YOU!” Reinette shouted. She was familiar with this man, he happened to be the Master, the most notorious photographer in the celebrity world. He was known to show up in even the most impossible locations to get his shot.

Especially where Reinette Poisson was concerned.

It was an ‘honour’ she would happily do without. She shouted, “What the hell are you doing in there?”

“I’m the wedding photographer. Can I have the tall people in the back?” the Master said, in hopeful kind of voice.

The Doctor, feeling like he should say something or defend his fiancée, stepped forward. “Okay buddy, fun time’s over.”

Reinette, who had taken notice of the bottles, looked rather disgusted. “How long have you been in there? That is not drink.”

Jack turned to Donna, who was looking rather worried, and said, “Skiing huh?” He knew he couldn’t be that lucky.

The crowd gasped as Reinette, furious at her wedding being ruined, picked up a large candle stick and yelled, “I’m going to kill you!”

As the Master took off at a run, Reinette began chasing him, brandishing the candlestick like a weapon and the Doctor followed her. The chase led outside, the Master continuing to take photos as he ran.

“You’re ruining my life!” Reinette shouted as the Master climbed onto his motorbike.

The Master looked smug as he said, “I’ve ruined plenty of lives, don’t think you’re special.”

Reinette, breaking down, yelled, “When I do get married, you will not even know what continent I am on!”

___________________________________________________________

A short time later, in the editor’s office of that large celebrity magazine, an email arrived containing the Master’s photos of Reinette Poisson. Photos where she was looking less than perfectly composed, a very rare occurrence.

“Master, you magnificent bastard!”

___________________________________________________________

Back inside the church, the Doctor and Reinette were discussing possibilities of where they could hold their wedding. After she had pointed out they needed to disappear, the Doctor offered some very useful suggestions. If one happened to have a spaceship or time machine perhaps.

“We could get married in outer space. Or the lost underwater kingdom of Atlantis,” the Doctor suggested, though he did so mostly to make Reinette smile.

Donna, who was listening in, whispered to Jack, “I don’t think you can get married in space yet.”

Jack rolled his eyes; Donna was a great PA, but sometimes it seemed she missed the bigger picture. “Is that what your intelligence tells you?”

Reinette looked at the Doctor and said, “We are going to have to go somewhere very remote.”

___________________________________________________________

While the press world was caught up in the aftermath of the not-quite wedding of the century, life continued as normal for everyone else.

For Rose Tyler, this meant throwing her engagement ring over the side of the Hegg ferry. She was in her late twenties and, though some would disagree, felt she was rather ordinary looking, with her light brown hair, broad cheekbones, and average height. Which she surmised reflected who she was: ordinary. She had recently lost her job, writing for an online menswear catalogue (she felt she might as well have just worked in the shop).  Then her fiancé had broken up with her, so she was headed home to Hegg.

Hegg was a small isle with a population of around seventy-five, most of whom were probably seventy-five or older. Hegg’s only real claim to fame being that it was used as the location for the Doctor’s book, a book made famous more by who the author was marrying than being a decent book. The citizens of Hegg actually found the book to be rather dull and inaccurate. But they did enjoy the slight fame that came from it.

However, none of that was enough to cheer Rose, who was trudging up the muddy roads to her mum’s bed and breakfast. She made it inside, dripping wet and feeling sorry for herself. She saw her mum, Jackie, sitting in her wheelchair grabbing a coat.

“Hi Mum!” Rose said, plastering a smile on her face. No need to let Jackie see how miserable she as feeling.

Jackie took one close look at Rose and knew something was wrong; she knew her daughter better than that. “Oh no, what’s happened?”

Rose shook her head. “Nothing. I’m fine.”

It took all of a moment for Rose to break down and hug her mum. Jackie patted her back; she knew something was wrong. Rose, however, was still trying to say she was fine.

“Well, that’s good, just so long as you’re fine,” Jackie said; Rose would tell her when she was ready.

Realising her mother was getting ready to go somewhere; Rose asked her where she was headed. Jackie replied, “I don’t s’pose you’re in the mood for a wedding?”

Pushing Jackie to the wedding, through the rain and mud, Rose listened to her mother give her the same lecture she’d been giving for a while. “There’s someone out there for you. Someone kind and sensitive, but you’re not going to meet them hiding here, especially now!”

“Good!” said Rose, frustrated, “I don’t want to meet him, he sounds like a git. Besides, I’m like kryptonite. Except much more boring. So, what’s new on Hegg?”

Jackie filled Rose in on the ‘highlights’ of life on the island, the big news being a drowned sheep, until they reached the church.

It occurred to Rose that she didn’t even have the slightest clue whose wedding she was at, but given she knew everyone on the island, it didn’t matter much. Though, she thought, could have done without being shoved into the church just before the bride. Minnie really was a menace.

Standing up at the altar was Mickey Smith, who looked rather shocked to see her. Rose had dated him for a little while when she was younger, before she left the island looking for something more. Mickey was happy here, without feeling the need to see more.

Rose smiled awkwardly. “Hi Mickey.”

“You’re too late, Rose,” said Martha Jones, coming in the church behind Rose and nudging her out of the way. “He’s mine now.”

Sitting down rather gracelessly, Rose was being told all about one of the last single men on the island. The prospect did nothing to cheer her up. Especially when she was told she’d be too old in eight years to marry someone who was currently twelve. Rose was left wondering if everyone thought she was desperate.

By the time the ceremony was done, the weather had changed and everyone was outside, enjoying the reception.  Rose was standing there, still feeling humiliated after her grand entrance and rather pathetic when her old boss, and ‘lord’ of the island, wandered up beside her and said hello.

“Hello Wilf,” said Rose.

“Quite the entrance Rose,” Wilf replied, managing not to laugh at the whole thing. He was happy to see Rose, though he worried about her, given how sad she seemed.

Gathering her courage, Rose managed to do something she didn’t want to and said, “Continuing the theme of my public humiliation, I may need my old job back.”

Wilf looked at Rose and said, “Oh, and what happened to your London job, at the trouser catalogue?”

“I ran out of ways to describe pockets,” replied Rose, hoping he’d believe her.

“Oh Rose. You’ve always had such terrible taste in men,” said Wilf, knowing that the loss of her job wasn’t what had sent Rose back to the island.

Rose decided to outline her new plan for men and said, “I know. I’ve gone man-vegan. They say after the first six years you don’t miss them anymore.”

Wilf smiled slightly at Rose, who he’d often thought of as a granddaughter, and said, “Well, you’re in the right place then. There are no single men left on Hegg after today, except for me, sorry Rose.”

Minnie chose that moment to come over and remind Wilf of Hegg law. He must dance with all the women, oldest to youngest. He looked apologetically at Rose and said, “Well, I should get to you about 4.30 in the morning.”

Rose, having seen enough and feeling like she’d  put in a long enough appearance, was preparing to escape when Mickey wandered over and asked, “How long are you back for?”

“Well, not sure. To stay maybe,” Rose replied, nervously. She’d left Mickey and the island looking for more and now she was back, alone and unemployed.

Mickey, looking a bit unhappy and surprised - he’d loved Rose and wanted to marry her before she’d left , said, “Thought you said nothing happened here and you wanted more?”

“Well, right now, nothing sounds appealing,” Rose said, uncomfortable with admitting that.

The conversation then turned to brief pleasantries as Rose wished Mickey and Martha well. He returned to his bride and Rose left, figuring she’d done enough for the day.

___________________________________________________________

The next morning, Rose made her way down to Wilf’s shop to work. It crossed her mind that she was going to be a shop girl anyway. In a shop that wasn’t exactly bustling with customers. She ended up playing around with the Doctor’s book, ‘The Ornithologist’s Wife’, which was the size of a brick and she found it stacked just as well as one. She was just finishing off a slightly precarious spiral of the books when Wilf walked in carrying a typewriter and some paper.

“Hegg; An island History - The definitive guide, by Rose Tyler. Five pounds a copy,” he said.

Rose looked at him like he was crazy. “A guide book to here? Don’t be mad! ‘Come see our disused toilet that may or may not be haunted by the ghost of a drowned cow.’”

“We need to channel these thoughts of yours Rose, before you get bored and wander off again,” replied Wilf, well aware of Rose’s long standing habit of wandering off, even just around the island. She’d driven Jackie crazy as a child.

“Wilf, no one’s going to buy a guide book to Hegg. Well, unless it’s cheaper than our toilet paper,” Rose replied, as Wilf handed over a piece of paper which she glanced at before she continued, “A marketing conference. Here?”

Before Wilf could respond, Minnie and her friend came in, carrying their wares. Rocks with faces painted on them, some with hair. Rose was slightly disturbed and then highly amused when Wilf said they wanted his castle. Just as it was.

She couldn’t help smiling at that; the castle had certainly seen better days, or decades really, as she said, “Good luck to them. They might need it.”

Of course, Rose was then slightly offended when Minnie told her not to throw herself at any men visitors. Minnie was more likely do that, thought Rose, and certainly more likely to scare them off. Thankfully Wilf distracted Rose by saying they could save the island by writing a brilliant guide book. She wasn’t entirely convinced, but for Wilf, who’d always tried to be encouraging, she figured she’d give it a go.

After a few moments in front of the typewriter, Rose decided to take a walk around the island to give her some ideas. She often found moving kept her thoughts and ideas flowing, so soon was walking and taking notes. She quickly realised she might not be cut out for the usual cut-and-dry guidebooks of just common facts. Though, she did think that maybe the readers didn’t need to know that all adults under fifty were now married. Except one.

___________________________________________________________

Headed back to the B and B, Rose saw Jackie sitting outside, putting the prices on the rooms up. Jackie was often looking for ways to make some money, so she didn’t really think much about it and instead asked her mother if she was cold.

Jackie wasn’t fussed, but said, “I might be cold, but I’m dying either way. I need to get out of here, I want to see the world, drink too much and be thrown into a volcano.”

Rose smiled softly; she’d heard this before. Since Jackie had gotten sick she’d been desperate to get off Hegg, but they’d never had much money. Rose had no chance to make a reply before a shiny black car pulled up in front of the B and B. Jackie started her sales pitch on rooms before she was cut off by the good-looking American in the car.

“We’re looking for the castle,” he said.

The red head beside him piped up with, “We’re marketing people.”

“I’ll take you there,” said Jackie. “For a tenner.”

“Mum!” Rose sighed, before offering, “I’ll take you.”

___________________________________________________________

When they pulled up at Wilf’s castle, Rose had a small smile on her face as she watched the American look at it in shock and sigh. They probably didn’t expect the moss covered building that was in front of them.

She couldn’t stop herself as she teased, “Do you like it?”

“It’s… Spec-tacular,” he replied sarcastically, considering the disaster in front of him.

As the Americans stomped off to get a closer look, Rose couldn’t help but say, “And that was the last any of us saw of the Americans.”

___________________________________________________________

Inside the castle, Jack was reading a passage from the Doctor’s book, “The gilt work glistened proudly; time had in no way diminished the splendours of this castle.” He dropped his arm and said to Donna, “We’re dead.”

The castle was dank, gloomy, covered in mould and dripping. There was a banner from 1985 hanging in the main hall.

“Reinette is expecting to walk straight into this stupid book,” Jack said. He should have known it wasn’t going to be this easy.

Donna tried to comfort him. “She’s not going to blame you. Reinette’s a reasonable woman.”

Jack rolled his eyes and placed a huge order with Donna for a large crew of builders, cash, a phone line, and a coffee. He had a feeling he was going to need one. Possibly several.

It was amazing what knowing the right people and having enough money could accomplish. While the work might not stand the test of time, when it was done it certainly looked impressive.

___________________________________________________________

As Reinette and the Doctor left the small boat which had carried them to the island, he looked around, confused as he said, “Well, I have no idea where we are, which makes it perfect!”

Reinette looked around her before quoting, “The sea turns and shakes its manacles of salt at the sharp rocks on which too many waves have died.”

Looking rather unimpressed with the quote, it was long and pointless he thought, the Doctor asked, “Eh, what’s that?”

Giving him a slightly odd look, Reinette told him, “It’s you. Chapter forty-nine of my favourite book, ‘The Ornithologist’s Wife’.”

“Really?” he asked, wondering if he really wrote that. It was terrible.

“My husband is going to be a great writer of the twenty-first century,” said Reinette, looking at the Doctor with pride and love, she couldn’t help it, but then, he was gifted with language.

The Doctor didn’t look quite so convinced, but decided to leave that in favour of asking what he actually thought might be important. “So, where are we exactly?”

Reinette smiled. “You know where we are.”

Still confused, and a little worried about where his fiancée has bought him, he mumbled, “Do I?”

___________________________________________________________

Jackie was at home reading a celebrity magazine, when she saw something she didn’t expect. There, in a picture with Reinette Poisson, was the American that had stopped by earlier asking for directions.

‘Reinette and agent Jack Harkness,’ Jackie read. If Jack Harkness was here, then there was a very good chance Reinette Poisson was also here, or on her way. She decided this was a perfect opportunity. She may yet get of this bloody island.

___________________________________________________________

Up by the castle, the cars that had driven past Rose on the side of the road were dropping off their passengers, the Doctor, Reinette, and the two beauticians that went everywhere with her.

Reinette led the Doctor towards the castle. She was so excited; this was perfect. As they neared the entrance she said, “Oh, it is just how you described it.”

“We’re on Hegg?” the Doctor asked, rather than stated. He had to admit, this was a surprising turn of events. And not reassuring at all. He was going to be caught and he didn’t want to know what Reinette would do then. She was reasonable, most of the time, but something like this, he wasn’t so sure.

From below them, the Doctor and Reinette heard the voice of Jack. “You don’t remember it from your many research trips?”

They glanced over the edge of the walkway and into the moat. Jack was sitting in a large swan, with Donna by his side waving. Somehow, despite where he was, Jack still managed to look smug. And he was watching the Doctor’s face closely.

“I do not know why we didn’t think of this before. I am sorry we cannot have friends and family, but this is special. It is perfect,” Reinette said to the Doctor.

The Doctor glanced over at Jack, who had a distinctly knowing look on his face. He smiled tightly and looked back to Reinette, who had a genuine smile on her face.

Reinette continued, “It is just so very us. Now, let us go in. I must see the Hall of a Million Feathers.”

“Should we?” the Doctor asked Jack.

 “Yes, you really should. It’s quite something,” said Jack, with that very knowing, rather smug look.

Nodding nervously, the Doctor turned and headed inside, with a brief thought about how much Jack really didn’t like him. He’d wonder why, but then he probably didn’t want to know.

___________________________________________________________

Over on the coast of Hegg, a man was pulling a boat up the beach alone.

There was a reason the Master was so good at his job. Though no one was sure how he knew, he always seemed to know exactly where to go to get the photos people wanted.

___________________________________________________________

“Do you like your room?” Jack asked the Doctor, surprising him. “We had forty master craftsmen working through the night. One of them was eighty!”

The Doctor looked nervous but had to ask, “Why didn’t you just tell her I made it all up?”

“When Reinette wants to see a perfect castle, I make sure she sees a perfect castle,” Jack said. “This is your first time on Hegg, isn’t it? You googled the entire book!”

“You’re the first person to ever have a problem with that,” the Doctor said, nervously. And it’s true; no one else had ever noticed. It’s why he’d used Hegg. The chances of anyone finding out he’d never been here were slim. Until now apparently.

He grabbed a copy of his own book, seeming to draw confidence from it, tucked it under his arm and said, “I need some air.”

As he went to leave the room, Jack moved to stand in front of him and said, “There are only seven people in the world, who know we’re here. Anybody asks you’re at a marketing conference. Keep your head down and wear a hat, Tolstoy!”

The Doctor couldn’t think of a good reply so he just sort of shook his head and walked out. Jack just rolls his eyes; some days the Doctor was rather like a large child.

___________________________________________________________

Rose was out walking, having more thoughts about her guide book to Hegg. She was thinking about adding in the fact that Hegg was a wonderful place to wander off. As long as you dodged the rabbit holes and took into account the weather was well-known for changing every twenty minutes.

She wasn’t sure whether it was irony or just her luck that, as she thought about the weather, it changed from sun to rain. Rose decided to be thankful that this happened while she was near the public toilets that may or may not be haunted. She ducked inside to wait for the worst of the rain to pass.

Deciding to make the most of her unexpected stay in the building, Rose pulled out her recorder and began taking notes. “Chapter 2 – Hegg’s top hot spots. The people of the island are proud of this aging public amenity. The ornate urinals are enamelled in rich blues while the cubicle,” she glanced in and saw spiders crawling around the bowl, “is genuinely frightening.”

For a reason she couldn’t explain, when Rose heard someone else come running in, she hid in the cubicle. Possibly not the most intelligent reaction she’d ever had, but for some reason she didn’t want to face most of the island’s citizens today.

The Doctor entered the building at a run. He looked around, trying to figure out what the building he’d just run into was. Public amenity? Looked kind of like one. But then again, he was fairly sure he’d never seen any that looked like this before.

Rose glanced over the door of the cubicle, only able to see the back of a hat, which looked like Wilf’s. Feeling mischievous, she started moo-ing into the pipe that was running down the wall.

Looking around, surprised to hear anything in the public toilets, the Doctor said, “Hello? Pretty sure that’s not a real cow. Well, unless it’s got hold of a kazoo.”

Realising she probably couldn’t hide any more, Rose left the cubicle apologising, “Sorry.”

“Oh, no, no. No, really. I’m…” he stammered out, rather surprised by fact that it seemed to be a young woman who was appearing before him. Since she had the hood of her raincoat up all he could really tell was she had a generous smile and large, honey-coloured eyes.

“My friend on the island has a similar hat,” she said, looking embarrassed.

The Doctor, worried he’d gone somewhere he wasn’t meant to, said, “Sorry to barge in on you, Mrs…?“

“Not Mrs,” said Rose, sounding less happy about that fact then she was earlier.

“No, no,” the Doctor said in a rush, then giving her a once over before, with more confidence, he said, “No.”

Feeling slightly offended at that particular dismissal, Rose said, “I was just pretending to be the ghost of this cow. Which sounds completely mad, doesn’t it?” She half laughed and wondered if she could look any more ridiculous.

While internally he was agreeing that it did sound completely mad, the Doctor, without really thinking how it would sound to her, replied, “Not at all. Sorry. From the outside your home looks like it might be open to the public.”

Raising an eyebrow, wondering how anyone would think this building was a home, Rose asked, “My home?”

“You don’t live here?” the Doctor replied. Well, he should have realised that.

“Not in this toilet, no. Here we live in primitive dwellings, often called houses,” Rose said, rather sarcastically. But he did deserve it, she thought.

Feeling a little guilty about suggesting the young woman might live in a public toilet, the Doctor responded with what he hoped was charm as he said, “Please, forgive me. I, I’ve spent a lot of time… with… hermits.”

Rose, wondering if anyone would have believed that, stated, “You know, for someone in marketing, you’re not very good at lying.”

“I’m still quite junior,” he replied, while flashing a smile and taking off his hat.

The combination of the smile and the removal of the hat caught Rose’s attention; he had nice smile and she liked his hair, messy and a rich brown, matches his brown eyes she thought. She considered that maybe it was time to act like adults.

Gathering her confidence a bit, she put her hand out and introduced herself. “Rose.”

Reaching out to return her hand shake, the Doctor said, “I’m the,” before remembering he was not meant to spread the fact he was here.

Rose looked slightly dubious at his pause, before he managed to say, “Theo, Theo, Theodore. And I’m very much lost.”

“No wonder. That book,” Rose said, pointing at the Doctor’s book, “isn’t right about anything.”

For a reason Rose didn’tt quite understand and shrugged off, he looked slightly offended.