Summary: Rose. With smut. Yep, that's it.
Notes: Complete crack. Or a farce. Basically. Not to be taken seriously.
V. I will go down with this ship, And I won't put my hands up and surrender, There will be no white flag above my door [-Dido]
The TARDIS was beginning her dematerialization cycle when an unexpected sound cut through her standard sequence of harmonics and caught the Doctor's attention. It sounded like a loose armature in the median link to the secondary control center…or the pool flushing itself out… or someone knocking. The Doctor immediately halted dematerialization and checked the perimeter viewers. Then, making sure the TARDIS was sitting solidly in physical space, he went to get the door.
Rose Tyler had watched the Doctor go into the big blue box then ran to follow him in when loud grinding noises started coming from inside it. It didn't sound like the beginning of yesterday's explosion, although that didn't prove that the box wasn't about to blow—Rose had the feeling that around the Doctor, things often did go kaboom—but he wasn't coming out, and he might need her! Rose had tried the door, but it was locked. She started banging on it with her fist.
The grinding noises stopped, then the Doctor opened the door enough to stick his head out. He didn't act at all concerned about any possible explosion. Again, that didn't prove anything.
"Yes, Rose?" the Doctor asked cordially.
"Doctor, what are you doing in this box? And don't tell me standing. Tell me all of it."
"I, um..." He was momentarily at a loss for words, something that had never much happened to him in the past. (There were those of the opinion that some of the Doctor's earlier regenerations had procured theirs by the gross.)
"Doctor," Rose asked quietly, "are you from the future?"
"What kind of a question is that Rose Tyler?"
"Well, for someone to know about living plastic and mind control, and be able to stop them, and then hurry off to a funny box that hadn't been here before far's I can remember and makes funny grinding noises until he opens the door…"
"Student?" the Doctor supplied helpfully.
"Nah," Rose said, shifting to try to get a look past him into the interior of the box. "If you were a student, there'd be at least twenty more stuffed in there with you."
There was no doubt about it; this Rose Tyler was very clever. The Doctor slipped outside, carefully shut the TARDIS doors, and nonchalantly leaned against the ersatz police box.
"So, I'm going with time traveler," Rose concluded. Biting her lower lip, she thought a moment. "Or maybe alien."
"Alien?!" The gobsmacked alien yelped.
"You know," Rose said, "Gort Klaatu barada nikto." The Doctor gawped at her. "To Serve Man is a Cookbook?" Rose tried.
The Doctor hrrmmffed in disdain. "I grant you, Rose Tyler, it might have seemed like that to my companions at times, mostly when we were running, but the reality of it leans more to barada nice and hot." He grinned.
Rose smiled. "You look a little like him, you know."
Who?!" the Doctor squealed, "Gort?!"
Rose giggled. "No, Michael Rennie. Tall, thin, handsome, sad; traveled around in a strange contraption equipped with something other than just four wheels, five gears and a stick shift; intent on saving the planet in spite of itself."
So Rose had spotted the TARDIS the night before too! But no one should be able to perceive the TARDIS as something distinct from the host environment until he pointed Her out to them. Rose Tyler was observant and inquisitive as well as clever, and very persistent until she got her answers, or got shagged. No—wait. Shagging hadn't stopped her. Yet.
"You won't accept students?" The Doctor smiled. Rose shook her head and smiled back at him. Her eyes were sparkling and the tip of her tongue peeked out at him from the corner of her mouth. This girl was clever, observant, and…
Mauve alert! If he didn't get Nestene sorted and himself out of London fast, he might… he might… he couldn't begin to think what he might.
Rose put her hand on the Doctor's arm and met his eyes when he looked back at her. "Tell me, Doctor, who are you really? I won't run, I won't squeal to the government, and you already know I don't faint."
"A or B?"
Rose nodded at him.
"Will you accept both of the above?"
"Only if you show me."
The Doctor stared down at Rose Tyler, suddenly wanting nothing more than to show her all of time and space…
Nope. Jet lag. Too long in the vortex. Too often in Rose Tyler. Too much thinking of Rose Tyler, wanting Rose Tyler, needing, lov—
No..n..n..n..no! Fix the fucking Nestene invasion and get the hell off Rose.., get the hell off Earth! Yes. Right.
"Doctor, will you take me in the TARDIS? Oh! I didn't mean—"
Rose blushed, and the Doctor felt the heat of her embarrassment burn out of her and into his balls and his…
"Of course not," he said quickly. "If I'm an alien, you wouldn't, I shouldn't, I... I mean I don't, won't... But –" He looked at her quizzically. "Rose Tyler, aren't you afraid of my alien probes?" Now he was the one blushing. "I mean not that but like in the movies how they always probe the young, beautiful—"
Laughing, Rose moved her left hand over his mouth to stop him babbling. Her palm was warm over his lips and nose, and smooth as silk; her fragrance filled up his nostrils… and his brain. He inhaled her musk and desire, mixed with his on her skin. Inhaled deeply.
"You think I'm beautiful?" Rose asked, sounding almost shy.
The Doctor grinned. "Well… for an Earthling about to be invaded."
"Would you tell me in your language?" Rose smiled that smile that could get him to do anything—possibly even that. But he shook his head.
"Rose, I— Wait. You think I'm handsome?"
"Well, for an alien on a mission to do some invading." Rose cupped the Doctor's cheek. "Handsome. Mysterious. Exciting. Should I tell you the rest in my language?" she asked, her lips beguiling, her eyes sparkling with mischief.The pads of Rose's fingers ghosted over the Doctor's face, caressing his cheek, his lips, his jaw. Her nails scratched lightly through the stubble under his chin and on his throat, over the triangle of exposed cool smooth skin just below his overactive adams apple, the soft wool of his jumper, to its bottom edge, and slipped under. They teased his cool skin above his waistband and the slightly warmer skin just underneath. His body jolted back, hitting up against the TARDIS. Rose knelt gracefully before him as the top buttons of his denims came undone, the air so cool on him until her fingers were there, warm and tenderly insistent—and then her breath, even warmer… and her mouth, hot and wet and tight.
His respiratory bypass kicked in and the Doctor realized he hadn't breathed since the moment he'd seen where Rose's mischievous mouth was heading. He groaned loudly as he felt Rose's plump lips close around the head of his shaft and felt the pull of her mouth's suction. It was a good thing he was already leaning against the TARDIS door; even so, he threw his hands back, bracing himself firmly—This new body of his might be lean, but it still had mass, and the planet was suddenly doing more than simply spinning underfoot and letting him stand and cling.
More likely it wasn't gravity at all but Rose Tyler's mouth.Once the Doctor had his breathing under a little control at least, he stared down at the blonde head moving over his groin and moved Rose's hair out of the way so he could see himself sliding between her lips.
Glancing up at the Doctor with lust in her eyes, Rose decided to tease him, running her tongue lightly up and down as much of his length as she could without letting him go. When she ran her tongue around the head, his hips jerked and Rose took it as a sign to speed up. Creating a strong and rapid suction, Rose used her hands to stop the Doctor's jerking hips from moving. After only a short time of this she heard the Doctor saying "Ya might want to stop, I'm gonna—" And before he could finish he was coming, and Rose was swallowing it down with a cheeky look in her eyes.
When he pulled her up to kiss her, he tasted himself on her lips.
VI. Please please me, oh yeah like I please you [Lennon & McCartney]
Visiting with Clive had been a bit of a giggle for Rose, though ultimately a waste of her time. She learned that someone who looked like the Doctor had been on the Titanic and that Clive thought he was immortal and an alien.
Clive was so seriously into his alien theory and so ridiculed by his wife that Rose was dying to tell the woman that Clive was correct (though she didn't know one way or the other yet); that like the Titanic, she'd gone down under the Doctor (and on him, with him, in front of him, over him); that his penis was webbed (it wasn't) and grew impossibly bigger on the inside (it did); that he brought her to climax nothing like any human man she'd ever known or ever would and she might just die of him (But she was sure that her petits morts not to mention every grand one had nothing to do with the Doctor's species or the use of power in his dastardly attempt to conquer the planet, but quite a bit with the tremendous expertise with which he wielded his possibly alien probe, and everything to do with the way he made her heart beat double-time, her breath abandon her, her brain turn to mush, and her body and soul sing when she was with him. Under him. In front of him. On him.)
She certainly wouldn't tell Mickey, although he seemed as interested in the Doctor as Clive had been. Maybe Mickey sensed that she was about to break it off with him. Even if she'd never be with the Doctor, it wasn't fair to Mickey to pretend they still could have a future. She'd never be able to stop thinking of the Doctor. He hunted her through her dreams the night Henricks blew, dressed like someone out of one of her mum's bodice rippers. She caught ghostly glimpses of him out of the corner of her eye before she turned around… even when no one was there. She saw him in Mickey's rear view mirror dressed as a bobby who made a rude gesture as they passed and a few minutes ago in the restaurant dressed as a waiter, grinning and wiggling his eyebrows at her, giving her a dorky little wave.
The Doctor had followed the signal linking the Nestene consciousness to an Auton sitting with Rose Tyler (and why was he not surprised) in a pizzeria. From the look of the friendliness between Rose and the thing, it must have been synthesized out of her current boyfriend. Dropping to his hands and knees, the Doctor crawled a circuitous route to the table, where the Auton was now holding Rose's hand.
Though he had caught Rose's attention earlier and tried to reassure her, the Doctor worried. The unstable, evil thing might at any time go berserk, it could hurt her, it could… damn but it was ugly; did Rose Tyler really date something that looked like that?
He quietly slipped under the table between the two pair of legs, sat back on his heels, and pulled his sonic screwdriver from the waiter's inside pocket. He felt air movement… yes, there was a definite breeze under the table. Rose Tyler's legs— The smooth, strong, warm, silky, limber legs that had recently wrapped themselves tightly around his torso and bum… that had opened with no hesitation to let him slip in from behind, then spread wider apart, wrapped themselves around the backs of his own legs and pulled him hard against her, forcing his erection unbelievably deep with the most fantastic tight hot almost unbearably satiating friction he had ever experienced.
The legs that were wriggling apart and back together right there in front of him as she and the Auton talked… open and together, open and together, inviting, offering, enticing.
"So, where did you meet this Doctor?" asked the Auton .
"I'm sorry," Rose huffed, "wasn't I talking about me for a second?"
So Plastic-for-Brains wanted Rose to talk about him. Good. The Doctor wanted Rose to talk about him. He wanted Rose to tell P-F-B that the Nestene had picked an inferior, unimpressive mold to fill.But Rose didn't realize it wasn't human; Rose really thought it was her boyfriend. She was talking to it, letting it hold her hand, touch her, get close to her as if it were her ugly boyfriend…as if that thing had any right to touch her. The Doctor watched Rose's restless thighs, thinking how much he wanted Rose to think of him whenever she looked at that ugly boyfriend face, wanted her to see him, to get hot with memories of the feel of him, and wonder what she was doing with a stupid human man when she had been with him… could be with him. With a smirk, the Doctor pocketed the sonic screwdriver, slipped his head up inside Rose's miniskirt and between her open thighs, pushed her thong to the side, and pressed his tongue into her heat.
Rose squealed and jumped and started to push back from the table. The Doctor reached up quickly and grabbed Rose's hand,
interlacing their fingers. Rose's fingers convulsed but immediately recognized the grip, the feel, the long strong gentle fingers that perfectly fit together with them. Rose stopped fighting and her body eased forward, to the table…to the Doctor.
"…Because," clueless plastic boyfriend continued, "I reckon it started back at the shop, am I right? Is he something to do with that?"
"No—" Rose almost screamed. She caught herself just in time—the Doctor's tongue was even more talented than his... than his... "—ohh…" She bit her lip closed and she tried not to moan. She really tried.
Rose Tyler was a tight hot little thing, squirming and wriggling around his tongue. He explored a bit, worked a trick or two; Rose's delicious taste grew stronger as she got wetter. He pushed in deeper, feeling around, searching for that special little sensitive piece of tissue… harder...higher... Ah. His nose bumped against Rose's clit. Well…when an opportunity presents itself, a clever Time Lord does something fantastic.
His Rose began squirming more, then rocking in her chair, pressing forward… thrusting against his nose. against his jaw, into his face. Holding her still, the Doctor used his powerful tongue like a battering ram, hitting Rose deeper, harder, making sure to brush forcefully over her sweet spot with every thrust, dragging his nose over her clit in firm, tight, circles...
"Come on," P-F-B said petulantly.
"Come, Rose Tyler," the Doctor hummed into the sweet wet petals of Rose's labia. Then he nipped her clit.
"I... I...." Rose could barely get a thought straight, let alone a sentence.
"What was he doing there?" the Auton demanded.
Dear Lord, Rose thought, whatever it is, don't let him stop oh don't let him stop… She mumbled something to keep up her end of the conversation, though she couldn't have made much sense, with that marvelous strong thick tongue pounding deep into her. She needed to come… wanted to come—but something in the back of her head that sounded suspiciously like her mum said Rose Marion Tyler, good girls don't have orgasms in a neighborhood pizza joint! Oh but Mum, even a good girl wouldn't resist the Doctor!
"Tell me about the Doctor and what he's planning," the Auton insisted in a fevered tone that made the Doctor's eyes pop open and his concentration on getting Rose off falter. "—and I can help you, Rose. Because that's all I really wanna do, sweetheart, babe, sugar, sweetheart."
The Doctor remembered that tone from earlier encounters with Autons. This one was getting agitated, and his Rose was in terrible danger. He stopped playing with Rose and held himself still.
"What are you doing that for?" Rose asked (a little louder than the span of the table between her and Mickey warranted), confused and frustrated by the Doctor's lack of follow-through.
Rose Tyler was in his mouth and his head. The thought of her caressed his hearts and filled the horrid burning emptiness in his mind. He grasped Rose's thighs so hard his fingerprints would be on her for days (which for some reason made him want to puff out his feathers and beat his chest), pulled her forward and held her legs down. He rammed his tongue into her sweet tight hot center. On the last thrusts he added two fingers to his tongue, then substituted a third finger for his tongue and bit down on Rose's trembling, firm little clit, holding … holding… holding…
Rose exploded into his mouth and throughout his senses with a force that almost blinded him. Drinking her greedily, the Doctor suddenly knew he'd never be able to get enough of Rose Tyler. He was going to have to sort out that little problem, as well as the large one growing more and more painful inside his denims. But right now, he had to take care of the Auton on the edge of rampage.
As Rose looked up to reject the proffered bottle and send the waiter away, the Doctor raised an eyebrow at her. He discreetly got into position to make his move. Not quite as discreetly, he licked at the drops of Rose's passion still dribbling down his chin with an aching tongue and a cheeky wink.
Rose rushed into the big blue wood box after the Doctor. The headless body of Mickey Smith was close behind her, smashing and slicing everything its arms of death touched. She stared around the console room, then at the Doctor.
"Where do you want to start?" the Doctor asked the gobsmacked woman, turning to her from the central control.
"Um… the inside's bigger than the outside?"
The Doctor towered over Rose. His hands in his pockets pulled the leather jacket taut over his long thin torso. His shoulders were pulled back and straight. He looked down at her, but only with his eyes—his chin was raised, his head held high. Green lighting radiated from the core of the console, throwing itself around the Doctor, bathing him in an unearthly glow. The Doctor looked taller, more severe. Distant and unfeeling. Coldly observant and meticulously observing.
"So you ARE alien."
"Yes." The Doctor studied Rose's face. "Is that alright?"
"Dog's bollocks, Clive," Rose mumbled, "well done." She threw the Doctor a little ironic smile. "That explains the Lincoln Log."
The left side side of Rose's mouth shrugged a grin. "Well… Erection Set, then."
That helped the Doctor's comprehension in no way. "Erection Set?" he asked as he checked the TARDIS's intergalactic thesaurus.
The other side of Rose's mouth joined in a grin stretching across her face. For good measure, the tip of her tongue involved itself. "Yeah. Sturdy, firm, lasts just about forever. All sorts of things ya can do with them if ya've got imagination. Like that tubey thing behind you."
"Yeah." Rose's eyes traveled up and down the length of the time column following the time rotor as it rose and fell. She licked her lips.
"What else, Rose Tyler?"
"Um, Tower of London, Eiffel Tower, multi-stage rocket, firm thick vaulting pole..."
"Battering ram?" the Doctor asked.
The Doctor grinned. Rose grinned back. Mickey's head didn't grin. But it did start to melt. Things were heating up around the console. The Doctor slipped his hands out of his pockets and took a step down, toward Rose Tyler.
"So," one of them said. "About those alien probes…"
I'll be your dream I'll be your wish Ill be your fantasy. I'll love you more with every breath truly madly deeply [Savage Garden]
Her man was in trouble! (If Rose had the time to stop and think about it, by that point she might have thought her alien was in trouble… but all she thought as she swung over the pit of fire and Star Trek alien menace mind thingy was that the Doctor needed her and she needed him… whole and alive and….)
"Ugh!" Weigh a fair stone, do ya?"
The Doctor grinned at Rose as he held her close and hard. Very close. Very hard. "Again?" Rose caressed him, refusing to admit how scared for him she'd been.
"Advantage of respiratory bypass, Rose Tyler. It means—"
"I think I know what it means." Rose pinched the Doctor's bum and he yelped. "But you can show me so we're sure I'm sure." He could have died. She wouldn't let go of him, even if he tried to make her; or, looking at it another way, only if he tried to make her.
"Rose, ya gonna let go anytime soon so's I can take you in the TARDIS, which is a much better place for you to go over the details of my impressive alien physiology. Or under."
"Play with your erection set?"
Rose wrapped her legs around the Doctor's waist, pinched his bum again, and ground herself against him. He nipped her nipple through her hoodie and tank top and didn’t let go. On the gangway above them, a living, breathing, organic, human, and totally uninteresting Mickey Smith whinged and mewed and watched his girl hang on another man's… every word. Neither Rose nor the Doctor, nor the Doctor's erection set cared in the least.
"There are ropes and pulleys just like this in the TARDIS rope and pulley room. No flaming Nestene or exploding underground lair, no fires."
"That where you keep your alien probes, Doctor, in the rope and pulley room?"
"That where you want me to?" he asked. He caressed her through the damp bit of lace between her thighs. "Got lots of other rooms."
One of Rose Tyler's arms slid down from around the Doctor's neck. Her hand drifted under his jacket, glided over his jumper, moved down. She cupped him, rubbing and squeezing more firmly as his body responded, rocking into her hand with a faster stronger harder heated rhythm. Nipping at his throat, her fingers tickling up the sensitive skin of his neck into his hair, she began to open his fly.
"Rose," he warned, his words twisting in hoarse confusion, " Put that back! I might drop you!"
"Never gonna happen, Doctor."
His body stopped rocking.
"Ah, Rose Tyler, things can change in a blink," the Time Lord said solemnly. "Realities get rewritten. Promises get broken. You can't ever be sure of anything."
"I'm sure of that, Doctor, an' I'm sure of you." The Doctor stared at Rose Tyler as things exploded and fell and burned around them. Then he grinned.
"Now we're in trouble!"
"You were useless in there. You'd be dead if it wasn't for me."
"Yes, I would. Thank you." The Doctor threw Rose a quick grin. "Right then! I'll be off! Unless, uh… I don’t know… you could come with me."
Rose's boyfriend latched onto her and wouldn't let go. "He's an alien! He's a thing!"
"He's not invited!" the Doctor clarified. Rose glanced down at her idiot boyfriend, then she started toward him—that is, until Mickey the idiot wrapped his arms around Rose's legs and held tight.
"Rose," Mickey croaked desperately, "y-your mum is all alone. What will she do without you? When she's old or if … if she gets hurt and can't make money, or gets sick! Those men she sees, what if they abuse her? She'll have no one, Rose… you're all there is!"
Suddenly the Doctor hated that ugly little human more than the Auton who'd stolen his face. He had a momentary flash—him pulling Micky's head off. The time line scared him.
So the little sod won and Rose Tyler said No thanks, Doctor (But, honestly, what else could she say, her being blackmailed like that?) He took it fine, like the superior being he was—better than fine, actually ready for his next adventure and not worrying about being bogged down with another stupid ape to protect!
The Doctor landed the TARDIS near Henricks two days past, making sure they weren't anywhere near the first time. He threw open the doors and headed out, determined to enjoy the fireworks as a mere spectator this time around. He stopped mid-stride and backed up quickly. Rose hadn't followed his instructions to run.
He watched Rose play with that stupid Auton arm while she waited for the explosion. She was treating it as if it were some kind of sex toy, moving the rigid fingers over her breasts, circling in toward her obviously hardened nipples…one and then the other… sliding it down her chest between her breasts and back up, teasing her nipples some more. He hardened immediately when he saw where her other hand... her hand... was heading and heard the first familiar little sigh as it disappeared inside her denims. He was close enough that he could hear Rose above the din of traffic, or maybe he was able to read her lips. Maybe by now he was so attuned to Rose Tyler that he just knew. Whatever the reason, he heard her sweet, breathy little moan as her hand disappeared inside her denims, the light giggle when she ran over that ticklish spot, the sharp intake of breath that followed immediately. And every moan, every word, every sound that followed.
"Don't ever leave me Rose Tyler, he'll say, I need you. Rose, I love you." Rose's breath caught and her body jolted. She reached back blindly, her hand hit the wall of the TARDIS and she pushed hard against it. Stilling her juddering body, Rose Tyler rode out her storm with apparent calm. "Don't leave me, Doctor," she moaned breathlessly. "I love you."
Henricks' building exploded in flames. No one seemed to notice.
Rose had to help Mickey up and support him as they walked. Poor baby was a mess and she guessed it was up to her to get him home since she'd gotten him into this in the first place. But when she heard the sounds of the TARDIS rematerializing, she spun around, everything… everyone… but the Doctor forgotten.
The TARDIS doors opened. The Doctor stood just inside, playing with the Auton's arm.
It was an ambiguous gesture at best, almost nonsense, but Rose's eyes went wide. The Doctor seemed to be feeling himself up with the Auton's hand... just the way she had done when she'd fantasized about him while she waited for Henricks to blow. He stuck his tongue out, with a slow licking motion that left Rose's knickers wet again. Then he grinned.
"By the way," the Doctor said casually, "did I mention it also travels in time?"
Rose's heart was ready to burst with lust and love for her crazy alien. She untangled herself from Mickey and thanked him twice... first for the support and love he had given her when she was hurting, and then for the selfish lies he'd scared and manipulated her with when she was ready to stand on her own. Rose ripped off her damp knickers and threw them and her former life behind her, and ran into the TARDIS with a grin.
"Don't ever leave me again, Rose Tyler, I need you. An' I.. I.. Rose, I—" He shook his head and opened his mouth to try again.
Rose pressed her fingers over the Doctor's lips to stop his stammering. She didn't need to hear it... at least not right then. She caressed his face. "I know, Doctor," she smiled. "The ropes and pulleys are in the TARDIS rope and pulley room. No flaming Nestene or exploding underground lair, no fires."
"Oh, lots of fire, Rose Tyler, an' lots of loud, hard, fantastic explosions," the Doctor corrected.
"And an impressive alien probe." Rose grinned, and her tongue peeked out at him from the left side of her mouth.Kicking the TARDIS door closed, the Doctor wrapped his hands around Rose Tyler's tight little bum and lifted her; she ringed his waist with her legs and his neck with her arms, her nails scratching lightly through his close-shorn hair making his knees go weak. His fingers moved to tease her thong out of the way-- a moved he'd gotten quite adept at-- but he couldn't find the bit of lace, only Rose, slick and hot and plump with desire. Rose unbuttoned the Doctor and freed him, wrapped her hand around his erection, and lowered herself onto him with a long tremulous sigh.
"Doctor, do other aliens have ships and probes and... stuff... that's bigger on the inside?" She ground against him. The Doctor's hips jerked forward, pushing him deeper. Rose gasped and moaned.
"Rose Tyler, I'm never gonna give you the opportunity to find out."